Visions Of Love
by madison2209
Summary: What are Brian and Justin thinking?
1. Chapter 1

**_heyy there budd... i dont own QAF blah blah blah_**

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When I first saw him, I was in love. No kidding. I was head over heels, dead set, genuinely in love. He was the sort of guy that could be compared to a god. He was better than the guys I dream about, he was better than any of the desirable guys in Hollywood. He was better than everyone. It wasn't just because he was sexy as hell, it was his whole demeanour. I was 17, I saw him, and I fell in love.

So I got to know him, Brian, and he was well known for being a... well a slut. And that just made me want him more. He fucked me, once. He fucked me two, three, four, times more. He fucked me again and again. His reputation is that he only fucks a guy once. He broke that rule for me. And that was when I was convinced he loved me to. But again and again he broke my heart. I threw myself down at his feet and he just kicked me.

But then he went to my prom, and I was again convinced he loved me. I think everyone was. But then, I was bashed, and he never visited me. Why? Why didn't he visit me? I was SURE he loved me. Instead, he hurt me more than Chris Hobbs, and broke my heart again.

He will never know I went to visit him. Nobody will. I hope it stays that way. It's for the best. I go back to work, as if nothing happened. As if I was fooling Cynthia. But I continued working. I had to pitch my ideas in a meeting for some stupid chocolate company that's all about "love." After hearing all sorts of bullshit idea's, about chocolate making all your relationship problems to disappear, I decided to speak up.

"Why convince the consumers that chocolate will make everything better? There will always be problems? Why lie? We don't need to! Chocolate isn't going to make it better if, say, someone is in hospital, or someone else is just too chicken shit to show their feelings! Instead of make your problems disappear, why not mask your problems with bit of sweetness? Its bullshit" I said.

"Brian... calm down!" said Cynthia.

"I am calm" I yelled. Everyone raised their eyebrows. "I just need a break" I said, leaving the room, leaving a shocked crowd behind me.

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**_PLEASE REVIEW THERE AYEE!!!!!! HEHE_**


	2. Chapter 2

Its bullshit. When I returned home from the hospital, I thought it would be better, but, no. It was worse. Much worse. The nightmares got worse; the pain that Brian had caused was more immanent. My own mother told him never to see me again. Was I angry? Fuck yes. Finally, she let me go to his loft, and I was happier, and convinced, yet again, that he did love me. When I saw that scarf, I tried my hardest not to break down and cry. He must have loved me! It's just that... it's just that he will never tell me.

I don't love him... I can't love him.... I don't love ANYONE. But... why did I war that scarf, why did I let him sleep in my bed after prom, why did I comfort him when he woke up in a cold sweat after those nightmares? I'll tell you why... it's because I love him. But I'm never going to have the balls to tell him.

If he loved me, then why isn't he doing anything for my birthday? He could, at least take me out for lunch, or come with me and Lindsay and Mel. But no, he is staying home, working. Yet again, I don't think he loves me, I just wish he could make up his mind, instead of giving me false hope. One minute I'm sure he loves me, the next, I am convinced he doesn't.

Birthdays. I never knew why people celebrated them. When I grew up, my birthdays were full of pain, so I learned to forget about them. I mean, it's just getting older! Why celebrate something like that! Its suicide! But then Lindsay had to tell me that it was "obvious" I loved him, and that I should be celebrating the fact that he is alive. She has a point. A few months ago he was fighting for his life in hospital... I'll get him something he will enjoy.

He was playing the violin. He was fabulous. I went home, thinking about his music, it was brilliant. Then Brian told me he has something for me. I was so excited. But then I saw what it was. He got me a fucking hustler.

A hustler... brilliant if I do say so myself. I needed something to distract him and myself from that awful violin music he had playing. When I told him I had something for him, he was so excited. He saw the hustler, and wasn't as happy as I had anticipated. Had I screwed up again? I think not! How can you not like that present? Jeeze... he is pretty ungrateful... though I will admit it...I probably could have got him something a little more... uh... RIDICULOSLY romantic.


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